In the Rear-View Mirror
This was written in 1999. I was going to an Assemblies of God Church. I do not agree with all of it any more. But here is where I was in ‘99 and what I believed.
My Testimony
I always felt I had a relationship with GOD, I was raised Catholic and accepted church doctrines or kept my disagreements to myself. I came to know JESUS during a retreat in high school called Teens Encounter CHRIST, but my lifestyle did not reflect Him. After college I became a manager for a retail chain and transferred to A CITY SOMEWHERE in 1987. I tried to continue going to church, but lifestyle choices pulled me away. (Edited to add:What I failed to share with my church family at that time was that I had lived with another man I was afraid of what they would think of me. That should have been a clue.) I continued to talk to, plead with, and bargain with GOD when things were not as I wanted. I knew my lifestyle was not pleasing to Him, but I was living in the flesh and rationalizing my way out of growing convictions.
I met my husband and we began dating in early 1992. I prayed that GOD would keep him in my life and promised I would go through whatever it took to be with him. I figured I had been in more than one long-term relationship and I knew how hard it could get. Right? GOD answered my prayer and we were married in October of 1992. But GOD also showed me that I had no idea what I was asking for. Since we were not living Godly lives, we made several choices that caused us great grief. After struggling three years we moved to A FARM STATE, basically running from our problems. I tried to go back to the Catholic Church, but found I could not. Mom had left it and invited me to go to her new church. The first time I did I was shocked. These people smiled, talked to each other, sang a lot and prayed (out loud!). I really felt I was in the wrong place. I tried not to go back, but GOD had other ideas. Little did I know about the power of a praying mother who had the help of others. I kept going back.
It felt great to have a relationship with this church family, but the relationship with my husband was not doing so well. He did not want to hear about that part of my life. We were growing apart and new problems kept piling up. So I began to pray. I prayed that GOD would give me a Christian husband who would want to be the spiritual leader of our home. I prayed he would become someone I could learn from. I prayed for him, about him, around him, over him when he slept and sometimes in spite of him. I can truly say I prayed for two different men. The one I first met and wanted to marry and the one I found I wanted him to become. GOD answered both prayers. The second time it took longer than the first.
During that time we endured many personal, emotional and financial problems, most of them still self-inflicted. But in that time we were also blessed by the birth of Roo. I know that it was through this blessing my husband started turning his life over to GOD. We both have come a long way, but still have so far to go. Some days it feels that everything we held important has been stripped away, and it has. But I know this was the only way GOD could get our attention. I wish I could say that, as we have grown closer to GOD that everything has just fallen into place. But that would not be true. I wish we could say, as we’ve grown closer to GOD we quit making mistakes. But that would be really untrue. What I can say is that I know we have been in HIS hand since the very beginning and that HE will not fail us in anything yet to come. With our second child ready to arrive after a trying pregnancy, I know that GOD has been with us all the way. HE has given us wonderful people in our lives to pray with us and for us. We’ve learned we come closer to HIM when we admit we need to rely on HIM for all things and that HE, not we are in control.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:8
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